On self-sabotage and ice cream cupcakes

The thing about eating a cupcake made entirely out of ice cream is that, once it's in, it's in. The only thing you can really do is chug a bunch of water and vow to make a better choice the next time you're presented with leftover treats in the work freezer.

What's really frustrating about this particular experience is that, before and during the eating of the cupcake (cookies and cream, btw) I was actively telling myself I didn't want it, shouldn't be eating it, didn't need it, etc. I went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and came out with a ball of ice cream and cake that I ate WHILE reminding myself that it was setting me back in my health and fitness goals. Goals that I've been trying to restart lately.

It's got me thinking about self-sabotage, and why it happens so much. I swear, in just about every aspect of my life, whether it's my day job, my workout routine, my writing habits, my business, my housecleaning efforts, anything, I'm really really good at setting excellent goals and even laying out great plans and action steps on how to achieve them. And then promptly sabotaging my own best efforts.

That comes a lot in the form of staying up way too late playing on social media or watching Netflix so that my planned early morning wake-up call to bust ass and hustle before the house is awake gets thrown out the window. It can also be seen in accepting invitations to lunch when I had planned to work my business on my lunch hour, or getting lazy about going to the gym at lunch after I've already gone through the effort of packing the bag and bringing it to the office.

It is -- SO -- frustrating.

I know I'm not the only one who does this, but god, it's easy to feel that way sometimes.

There are so many things I want to do and be with my life, and yet sometimes it seems I'm a master of getting in my own way, procrastinating, and blowing things off.

I'm a creative by nature. A read a great book once called Getting Organized for the Creative Person. The most important thing that book taught me was that creatives and other right-brain types are often motivated by immediate, short-term comfort, which is what leads us to put off doing the dishes right now until a giant pile forms in the sink, or dropping our stuff in a pile on a chair instead of just taking 10 seconds to put it away in the moment. It was an incredibly eye-opening idea.

When I apply that to all my other endeavors, it starts to make sense why I seem unable to break the cycle of staying up late and missing my own office hours -- I really want to have that morning time to myself, but in the evening, the immediate pleasure of relaxing with Netflix takes hold and feels more important.

The funny thing about this is that I'm putting off doing things that are going to lead to outcomes that I actually freakin' want and have chosen for myself -- a clean and calm home, a finished draft of a novel, a business that's big and thriving, an empire and a life of my own making. So why, oh why, am I not just doing it already?

This makes no sense, I tell ya.

My hope in this moment is that by just identifying this process I can help myself to move past it, because dammit if I'm not ready for my life to become what I want it to be. And I'm about to launch into an intensive 90 day training program with my Directors in my business in order to promote up, and the requirements are no joke. So if I want to succeed -- and I do -- I'm going to have to really focus and haul ass.

I'll update my progress on that program here, as well as future progress towards goals. Hopefully with only the occasional cupcake thrown in for good measure.